What I’d Tell Her Now

If I could sit down with my 20-year-old self over a cup of coffee, I don’t think I’d give her a long list of advice.

I think I’d just tell her the truth.

Because most of what I needed back then wasn’t more information.

It was perspective.

I spent a lot of my 20s thinking I was behind.

Like everyone else had something figured out that I didn’t.

Careers, relationships, confidence, direction… it all felt like something I was constantly trying to catch up to.

What I didn’t realize is that most people were just as lost as I was.

They were just better at hiding it.

I wish I knew that it was okay to not have it all figured out.

That you’re allowed to change your mind.

That the path you thought you were supposed to take might not actually be the one meant for you.

I wish I knew how important it was to choose myself.

Not in a selfish way.

But in a “stop abandoning yourself to make other people comfortable” kind of way.

I spent too much time caring about what people thought of me.

Over-explaining myself.
Second guessing my decisions.
Staying quiet when I should have spoken up.

And the truth is… most people aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.

They’re thinking about themselves.

Just like you are.

I wish I knew that not everyone is meant to stay.

Some people are chapters.

Some people are lessons.

And some people are just not meant to grow with you.

Letting go doesn’t make you a bad person.

It means you’re growing.

I wish I knew that consistency matters more than motivation.

That showing up for yourself in small ways every day will take you further than waiting for the perfect moment.

That confidence isn’t something you magically wake up with.

It’s something you build by doing things you’re uncomfortable with.

Over and over again.

I wish I knew that healing isn’t linear.

That you can feel like you’ve moved on and still have days where it all hits you again.

That doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning.

It just means you’re human.

And maybe the biggest one…

I wish I knew that the life I wanted wasn’t going to come from waiting.

It was going to come from deciding.

Deciding what I wanted.
Deciding what I would tolerate.
Deciding who I was going to be.

Even when it felt uncomfortable.

Even when it felt uncertain.

Even when I didn’t feel ready.

Because you’re probably never going to feel fully ready.

And that’s okay.

If you’re in your 20s reading this, feeling like you’re behind or doing something wrong…

you’re not.

You’re just in it.

And if you’re anything like me, you’re going to figure it out.

Not all at once.

But piece by piece.

And one day you’ll look back and realize…

you were never as lost as you thought you were.

Pour your coffee, and stay while

– Kayla